Ground Control to Major Tom

Day 67 of the trip to Mars and Buzz was starting to wish he had packed a little light pornography to pass the time.

Have you seen the orkin man, the orkin man, the orkin man

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio.

Everyone's a Critic

Doggy knew he was supposed to give 10% of his pay to the Church of Scientology.  But he just saw Mission Impossible 3 and to be frank, he thought Tom Cruise was kind of a jerk.

2 am

You are not the emperor of anything.

Organic Revolution

Sandra didn't care anymore how healthy organic home-grown vegetables were anymore.  She wasn't wasting one more Saturday afternoon pulling weeds while Dale was inside in the air-conditioning playing with his tropical fish.  The plants are going in the compost heap, and she's taking the kids into Scottsdale to the new McDonalds.

Falling Down

Later, much later, Molly tried to explain to the police that she was just trying to talk to her boss, tell him that she felt unappreciated and underpaid. Then it just all got out of hand so quickly...

Long the Mile

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
    It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
    This debt we pay to human guile;
    With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
    And mouth with myriad subtleties.

The Earth is Free

Tom was worried about the new anti-squatting laws.  What was going to happen to them? 

Musical Anthropology

Video killed the dinosaur.

Extra Weekend call-out charge

When the door fell off the washing machine, Caroline cast her mind back to her philosophy course work. It's been a long time since she got pregnant and dropped out of grad school, however she's pretty sure in Logical Fallacies, they never covered 'shit happens'.

Ancient is the new 30

Fucking. Albatross.

Accounting has a lot of grey area

Jane had only been working as a bookkeeper for a short time, but she knew two things.  Firstly, the trial balance must always balance.  Secondly, Mr. Landon was using petty cash to pay for prostitutes.

Acceptance

When he got back from TGIFridays, Robert the Robot decided to close his match.com account.  Maybe it he should ring his auntie and ask for the number of that robot working on the SETI project that her hairdresser knows.  She sounded a little kookie, but maybe he would find it fun in time.

Worst Date Ever

Jeanette didn't care if Robert the Robot could calculate pi to the 7,345th place in 10 seconds.  What did he know about love, life and passion?

West Wales

Daisy made a little vow to herself.  No more holidays in West Wales in a caravan after this.  She didn't care what it cost, but next summer they're going to Spain.

National Rail

Driver Dan thinks this railroad track was built by a bunch of monkeys.

Reading Above Her Age Level

Baby was sat up late at night after reading We Need To Talk About Kevin, contemplating nature versus nurture.  Did she really have free will at all, or was it all genetically pre-determined for her?

Baby knows Mommy wants her to "play the drums" for the video camera, but it all seems so ... futile.

Film Festival

Daisy didn't know where Farmer Ted was taking her, but they left the farm 20 minutes ago and she didn't think they were going to the Kevin Costner Film Festival in Titusville.

Parental Acceptance

Walking around with a bunch of produce on your head is no way to go through life, son.  Now get inside and change, we have a 6:30 reservation at Olive Garden.

Field of Dreams

Ever since the cows rented Field of Dreams for Wednesday Movie Night, they had been filled with an uneasy longing.  Sometimes as the long summer afternoons waned, the cows would gather at the fence and just ... look out.